im having a threesome with these popsicles
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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