She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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