I accidentally burped into my bong.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
