god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize