I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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