look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
