2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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