garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
