The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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