wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
