yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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