I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
