you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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