Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Randomize
