Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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