Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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