just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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