Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we're making bets on your personal life
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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