Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
