I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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