I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
