my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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