Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
