Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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