yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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