I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
