he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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