your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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