Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
