why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
