If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
