I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
