Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
