so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
