Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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