I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
love makes seman taste better
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
