I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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