sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
false alarm, still single
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