I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
