He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
you never un-have a 4some
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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