eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
