it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
