I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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