I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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