Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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