i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
