I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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