I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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