I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
