Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
