Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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