Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
