I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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