look no pants
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
