I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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