just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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