I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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