The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
