he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
