so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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