I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
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Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
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Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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