My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
