how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
MIDGETS
????
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
