New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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