Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
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