last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Randomize
