I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
