I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
