she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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