between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
