I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
