Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
